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East Sussex - Iron Country
(Odd Odes)
For Budding Bards and Procrastinating Poets
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(John Wilson)

This is a cautionary story
(Not a tale of hope and glory),
About young Jones, the silly ass,
Who didn't learn to swim, alas.

One day his friends and he went down
To the swimming pool in town,
His friends were soon all diving in,
But not so Jones, he couldn't swim.

Now blow-up arm bands he had got,
But use them he would surely not
Because they made him feel a wally....
Soon he'd come to learn his folly!

Without the aid of waterwings,
Polystyrene floats and blow-up rings
He couldn't swim a stroke at all,
It was to be his great downfall.

He thought that he would play a trick
Upon his friend, whose name was Dick,
Soon his trick would go amiss
But he was not aware of this!

Around the pools edge he did creep
From shallow end up to the deep,
He thought that it would be a joke
To push his friend in, silly bloke.

Of course, the plans go awry
And suddenly Jones gave a cry,
On the pools edge he had slipped
Where pools of wet from swimmers dripped.

In he went, oh, what a blunder,
He wasn't meant to be down under--
It was supposed to be his friend,
He couldn't swim, was this the end?

How he'd wished he'd learned to float,
Like a small canoe or boat,
Instead it made him feel quite sick
To be sinking like a brick.

If only he could swim about
Like a dolphin or a trout,
Then he'd not have been so fated
By the danger he'd created.

"Help, get him out," his friends did shout,
"Before his air supply runs out!"
The trusty lifeguard dived in quick
And saved young Jones, just in the 'nick.'

He swore he'd no more play the fool
When beside the swimming pool,
And, swimming lessons promptly taken
Now would allways save his bacon.

The lesson's clear then that you aughter
Not mess about when by the water,
It's a danger to yourself and others,
Your parents, friends, sisters and brothers.

So, parents, ensure your son or daughter
Know how to behave in or near the water,
And make sure they know how to swim,
Just in case they should fall in!

VillageNet 1999

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